Family
“Do not press me to leave you,
to turn back from following you!
Where you go, I will go;
where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people
and your God my God.
Where you die, I will die,
and there will I be buried.
May the Lord do thus to me,
and more as well,
if even death parts me from you!”
—Ruth 1 NRSVUE
I grew up in a wonderfully blended family. Our parents adopted two girls, had one born to them, then had two sons and adopted two more sons. Three girls nd four boys. I’m the middle child, the first son born to them, and the oldest of the boys. It is more complex than that, but there was an important idea that is deeply ingrained in me, stemming from my upbringing. The idea did not begin with me or with my generation. It is a deep and essential part of the story of our people. The famous promise of /ruth, often read at weddings, is not a statement of romantic love, but an expression of the devotion of a woman to her mother-in-law after her husband has died and they both become widows without many prospects in the world. Over time, Ruth marries Boaz and has a son, through whom her mother-in-law could restore her property rights. That son was named Obed. He became the father of Jesse, who became the father of David, the king. Ruth, who was not of our people but rather an outsider, became a name in the genealogies of our people.
It is a basic tenet of our faith that family relationships reach beyond genetics. This coincides with my experience that family is not merely a matter of shared genetics. The children in our family who were adopted were every bit as much a part of the family as those who were born to it.
Given my upbringing and my convictions, it seems perfectly natural to me that we have two children. One was born into our family. The other was adopted into our family. We are all related, although we do not all share the same genetic material.
For a few days, we have been visiting dear friends in South Dakota. None of my brothers or sisters, children, aunts, uncles, or cousins lives in South Dakota. But some people live there who are family as surely as if we had been born to the same parents. We have thirty years of shared experiences. We have been together when family members have been born and others have died. We have shared weddings, baptisms, and funerals. We have eaten meals together and walked together through the extraordinary beauty of special places. We know their stores and they know ours. We are family.
In some Christian traditions, all of the members of a congregation consider themselves to be siblings in the family of God. In some congregations, it is common to address other members of the community as brother or sister. I was not raised in this particular tradition. It feels out of place for me to address another member of the congregation as Brother this or Sister that. Nonetheless, some members of the congregations I have served feel like siblings to me. I could easily address some of them as a sister or a brother.
We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up, everybody, and sing
We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up, everybody, and sing
-Sister Sledge
For some members of indigenous tribes that have lived on this continent since time immemorial, it is not just people who are seen as siblings. The Lakota concept of Mitakuye Oyasin can be translated as “All My Relatives,” or “We Are All Related.” It applies to people and all living things. It applies to plants and also to inanimate objects. The rocks, stones, and soil are relatives of ours. The trees and water and resources of the earth are our relatives. We are all related. We are family.
The mapping of the human genome has led to several options for genetic testing. There are commercial companies that offer various services, including DNA tests that give information about ancestry. Such tests have been used to identify national and ethnic origins as well as trace ancestry and, in some cases, discover new family connections. Recently, I have had conversations with a sister who is interested in exploring her roots. Since she and I share the same biological parents, her results would be similar to mine if I had such a test. While she is free to make her own choice about testing, I have no interest in having a DNA test. I am not particularly interested in knowing her results.
DNA testing can never tell the entire story. It can never fully reveal all of an individual’s family. Shared DNA is only one way of being family. DNA doesn’t reveal the intricacies of adoptions and chosen relationships. It doesn’t show the closeness of couples without children. It doesn’t tell the story of community connections that are as strong as shared biology. I trace my family through bonds of love that are as vital and meaningful as shared DNA. I choose to reach beyond genetics to embrace a broader definition of family. Our people have been doing so for many generations. Biblical genealogies trace relationships that go beyond shared DNA.
I am grateful that I am nurtured by a family that is blessed with beloveds who have come through adoption. I am fortunate to have friends who have become family, and I will continue to nurture all of my family ties.
