One of the blessings of my life is that my wife has been an equal partner in all aspects of our shared experience. Not only did we attempt to divide household chores and our responsibilities as parents and grandparents evenly, but we were professional colleagues. We worked for the same congregation for all of our careers as pastors and teachers. For about half of that time, we shared a single job, dividing it according to our specific skills and aptitudes. I have deeply appreciated Susan’s skill and grace as a pastor and have learned a great deal about the nature of my profession by observing her.

We came by this naturally. Of course, we talked extensively about living and working together. We researched the history of collegia. A collegium is an association where each member has equal power and authority. In the church and academic communities, the term was often applied to groups of professionals who lived together and shared household duties to be more efficient and have more time for their work outside of the home. We wrote papers on the subject. Beyond that, however, we grew up in families where our parents shared duties. My mother was a partner in all of my father’s business ventures. She worked as the bookkeeper for their joint business ventures and understood the dynamics and finances of his work. Susan’s parents had specific roles. Her father worked for income, and her mother was a homemaker, but they were equal partners in their marriage. My mother-in-law always kept and balanced the checkbook. They developed a skill at managing their finances dependent upon the complete sharing of information.

There were, however, many gender distinctions in my growing up. There were differences between men and women that were assumed and often not questioned. I grew up knowing that there were specific rules. Some of those rules came from the simple fact that I was born into a family with three girls. Having big sisters meant that there were patterns of authority that were already established before I was born. I don’t remember ever questioning some of those rules. We didn’t need locks on bedroom doors in our house. If the girls’ bedroom door was closed, I didn’t open it. I might knock if I needed to say something to one of them, but I never opened it. If there was a sister in the bathroom, I didn’t knock. I waited. That was the rule. Another rule about which we have laughed but which I have observed all my life was never to look into a woman’s purse. Mostly, I observed that the rule as a child is never to touch a woman’s purse. I have a good friend who also grew up with older sisters for whom the same rule was applied. If our wives ask us to get something from their purses, we carry the entire bag to them and let them take out whatever they need.

I don’t remember much about my sisters’ purses, except they had them. I had a wallet. Later, I had a few keys. That was it in terms of personal items. I didn't carry it if it didn’t fit into my pockets. The things I have are the same now as when I was a kid: my wallet, keys, and pocket knife. I do remember my mother’s bag. It was not one of those little bags that fashion models carry while walking the runway. It was a real piece of luggage. My mother was a knitter, holding yarn and knitting needles with her wherever she went. But she had a lot more than that in her bag, which we called her knitting bag. Her wallet, checkbook, keys, and many other supplies were in it. She could produce tissues if we needed one band-aid when a cut occurred. She had cough drops if our throat had a catch and could make a snack when needed. She had scissors and often a role of scotch tape. There was chapstick and aspirin and paper, pens, and pencils. It seemed to have all of the supplies everyone needed. We used to joke that in addition to everything we saw her produce from that bag, there were other things in there, including things even she didn’t know were there. Our family had seven children, but we used to say that there had originally been eight, but that one fell into the bag and was never again seen.

I haven’t thought much about that knitting bag for many years, but an article on the BBC website got me thinking. The article said that one of the significant fashion trends is supersized handbags. There are a lot of things that people want to carry. Large bags have room for make-up bags, phone chargers, water bottles, books, umbrellas, a spare pair of shoes, and more. According to the article, large bags have been trending for a couple of years now, and they appear to continue to be very popular.

The article explained the popularity of a particular bag made by the fashion designer Hermes. Inspired and named after the actress and singer Jane Birkin, the bag continues to sell for $1,000 and more. The Fashionphile website offers a Hermes Crocodile Birken at a discount price of 41,995, marked down from the list price of $55,995. I’m guessing that a woman carrying a Birkin probably doesn’t need the space for all her extra cash unless she just pulled off a bank robbery. However, the bag might be big enough to help empty a bank vault. The cash went to purchase the bag. No worries, Walmart has an imitation of the Birkin available at a much lower cost. The bag is priced at $78 and is called the “Wirkin.”

For those who do carry such bags, one thing they don’t have to worry about is me stealing them. There is no way I would ever touch it. There are some rules that I have no intention of breaking.