We have been having a marvelous time with our daughter and her family's visit. Our son has been able to take a bit more time off from work, and his family has been able to join ours in hosting several activities and events together. When we are all together, we are eleven people. We can be a bit loud at times, with the children joining in conversation, and sometimes it seems like everyone is talking at the same time. We’ve had some excellent meals and had some fun times outside at a nearby campground and on the beach. Yesterday afternoon, the whole gang headed to a spot on Drayton Harbor with a sandy beach. It was an excellent place for the children to get some water play. We have a good ratio of adults and children, so there are plenty of eyes to watch as the young ones play in the water.

While the others loaded into cars to head for the beach, I grabbed my bicycle and rode the eight miles. I left the beach earlier than the rest of the family and rode my bicycle home as I needed time to prepare dinner for the family. The time I was riding my bicycle was a valuable moment in a busy week. For a short time, I was alone. I wasn’t talking or listening to other people. I was looking at the world around and allowing my mind to wander.

I love living in a family. I treasure the broader community that surrounds us. But I also value time alone. When things get hectic, I have learned to seek moments when I can be by myself. I have observed a similar quality in other members of our family. Often, several children will be playing a game while one sits quietly at a table drawing. Our youngest grandson will play a game with toy cars by himself in the corner, while the rest of the family continues to engage in conversation and group activities. Each person has their way of seeking a bit of privacy and time alone.

I grew up in a large family. I always shared a bedroom with at least one of my brothers. I didn’t have any problem staying in a cabin full of other boys at camp. However, when I arrived at college, I struggled to find a roommate with whom to share a space. By my sophomore year, I worked out a way to have a private room without roommate. The main issue in college was that my schedule differed from that of other students. My work study job started early in the morning. I wanted to go to bed early and rise early, something that is not common on a college campus. After two years in a private room, I got married. I’ve enjoyed having a roommate ever since. One of the interesting aspects of our marriage is that I am still a morning person, while my wife is a bit of a night owl. Our usual pattern is for me to go to bed before her and to rise before her. We both get a bit of private time at the end of the day, which works well for us.

Finding the balance of time alone and time with others is an important life skill.

Last week, the World Health Organization designated loneliness as a “global public health concern.” U.S. surgeon general Dr. Vivek Murthy was appointed to lead an international commission to seek solutions to the problems of loneliness. According to the WHO, research has shown that loneliness is as bad for people’s health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

The isolation that came with the Global COVID-19 pandemic highlighted the issue of loneliness. Dr. Jeremy Nobel, a professor at Harvard Medical School, has said that loneliness is “probably the biggest preventable risk factor” for mental health concerns such as depression, addiction, and suicidality. Research in older adults shows that chronic levels of loneliness exacerbate physical ailments. Increases in risk of death by heart attack and stroke have been documented, as well as increases in dementia and diabetes. Humans thrive in community and struggle in isolation.

Loneliness is not simply a matter of how many people are sharing the same space. People can feel lonely and isolated, even if they have plenty of contact with others. If they feel excluded because of factors such as race, gender, or disability, they can be lonely even if they are constantly in the presence of other people. Conversely, many people who live alone nurture strong connections with their community and do not suffer from loneliness. In our circle of friends, there are several widows whose life partners died after years of happy marriage. Those widows have developed strong relationships outside of their homes and know that others love them and have their backs in times of need. Solo living does not always equate to loneliness.

I have noticed that whenever I see a doctor recently I am asked about my living status. It usually is a very brief conversation as I am happily married and surrounded by family. I am active in my church community and have many friends. But it is obvious to me that my health care providers have included a question about loneliness to their routine taking of vital signs. In addition to checking my pulse and blood pressure, taking my temperature, and counting my respiration rate, health screeners are being trained to inquire about loneliness as part of a routine taking of vital signs.

As many as one in five adults identify themselves as lonely. Chronic loneliness is more than just a feeling that sometimes comes at one’s lowest moments. Doctors are now describing a lasting sense of loneliness as an epidemic and contributing to early mortality. With research identifying a connection between loneliness and anxiety, dementia, heart disease, and diabetes, loneliness deserves more research into its causes and solutions.

So far, I have not suffered from chronic loneliness. I do, however, seek time to be alone as part of maintaining my health. Fortunately, I have a bicycle and beautiful places to ride.