We had the fun of attending a high school graduation party yesterday. The party reminded me of so many we have attended over the years. In the home of the host family there was a photo display. The dining room table was filled with all kinds of delicious foods. There were lots of people visiting. Since the weather was lovely, much of the activity was out on the back deck which overlooked the back yard. The house is built on a hillside with a daylight basement so the deck is above the yard. On the deck most of the people were friends of the parents. We were among the oldest in attendance, but there were others our age around. The mother of the graduate was surrounded by co-workers and other friends. In the kitchen, I ran into the older brother of the graduate with a small cluster of people his age and caught up a bit on how things are going with him. I am a fairly regular customer of the place where he works, so I see him from time to time when I do business there.

As I commented to several folk, the real party was going down in the back yard. The graduate was surrounded by a cluster of high school students and recent graduates, visiting and enjoying one another’s company. There were a few games set up and friendly competitions were being held. The students were enjoying a few snacks, but in general didn’t seem to be eating as much as the adults. The focus of their party was the joy of being together. It was a delight to witness when I was up on the deck, and a wonder when I went down and talked with the youth.

Over the years we have been to a lot of graduation parties. There were some years when we went from one to the next in rapid succession trying to squeeze in as many as possible and deliver congratulations to all of the graduates who were our friends. Sometimes the graduates were people we had known all of their lives. One of the joys of serving a long-term pastorate is that you get to see babies born grow up into delightful young adults.

This party, however, was a bit different. First of all we have only known the graduate and her family for three years. We are newcomers to this community. Fortunately for us, we have become fast friends with a few folks. The party wasn’t our first visit to their home. Still it is a bit different as we have known this young woman only as a high school student. She is a delightful young woman and we really enjoyed working with her as she volunteered in our church’s faith formation program.

As we have aged, we have moved from the generation of the graduates to the generation of the parents of the graduates and now are the generation of the grandparents of the graduates. Each step puts us into different portions of the community. I’m pretty sure that the youth in the back yard think of me, if they remember my visit at all, as an old man. I don’t mind. I’m accepting that image more and more these days. When I was a student, I generally thought of people the age I now am as old folks. I like being a grandpa.

What struck me, and what I have been mulling since the party, is how few people from our church were in attendance. There were a few, but I expected a few more to be present. When we were in the active portions of our careers we would generally find a large support crowd of church members at graduation parties. We worked very hard to make our churches safe places for young people and centers of supportive community. By the time youth reached high school graduation there was a community of people invested in that person’s success who celebrated with them and their parents. We knew that there were many challenges ahead. Navigating the route to college, military, or other post-graduate experiences, managing the separation from family of origin, exploring relationships and forming intimacies, figuring out a career path and finding the resources to pursue that path - all of these things are difficult life challenges with significant risk and we know that the graduates and their families will need plenty of support in the years to come.

These graduates, however, are post-Covid graduates. They had their high school careers interrupted by Covid. Most of them have already experienced a year of remote learning and have had to take increased responsibility for their own education. They have had to be isolated from their peers much more than was the case of those who graduate from college before the pandemic. Generational theorists often comment, “who you are today is in part where you were when,” referring to the way significant historical events shape the lives of people. Just as we baby boomers educations were shaped by the Cold War, these student’s educations have been shaped by Covid.

In their world, the center of community has shifted significantly. Not only did they have separation from the usual community of school during their high school years, they also experienced separation from the community of the church. I don’t know the stories of the youth with whom I visited in the backyard yesterday, but I’m fairly confident that most of them not only didn’t grow up in the church, at least some of them have parents who didn’t grow up in the church. The struggle for them to find safe space and the support of genuine, long-term community is real.

In the card we left with a small gift for the graduate I wrote that I feel proud even though I have no right to pride. The accomplishments belong to the graduate and her family. I did nothing to contribute to her success. Still, I feel deeply moved by being included in the circle of community that gathered to celebrate her graduation.

May we continue to create safe spaces and supportive community for our youth. As an old man I see the deep value of offering our unconditional support and genuine community to them. They will continue to amaze us with their intelligence, grace, and energy.